He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize