I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
