my vag is so smooth its legendary
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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