I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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