take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My cat gives me a boner
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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