i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
