I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
