I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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