So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
