Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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