You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
