my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
