Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
