when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
