my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
