So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
