If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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