i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
