think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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