belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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