just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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