I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
