Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
