Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I die, sorry about rent.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize