she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
