i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
try to milk me bitch
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
