I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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