Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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