Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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