They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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