Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
