I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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