apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
