I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
