Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
