Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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