I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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