Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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