ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
