how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
