i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
