I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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