loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
