Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I hate your face
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
