just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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