Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When did angry sex become our thing?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
