i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
