I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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