beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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