i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
