just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize