His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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