Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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