Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
