My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
