Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
