Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
