Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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