there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
