I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I cannot find my penis.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
