I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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