It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
