I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
