can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
