i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
